To the Celebrities Who Vowed To Leave US If Trump Won: Adios!
Good bye, Leftists!
While many were being consumed by the uncontrollable joy of watching the map turn red, we were as worried as those leftists, who were writing the melodramatic posts about “Hitler” winning the White House.
What we were worried about was the fact that Trump is a deal maker. We were worried that Trump might actually negotiate with these Leftists.
So yes, please just leave! Even if Trump disappoints us, at least he will have given us this much. Imagine our new America having been ridden of degenerate moral reprobates!
Now that Trump has won. we should remind this pack of nut case Hollywood leftists of their promises to pack up and leave.
Here are the 14 clueless Hillary supporters who promised that they would leave our country, and hopefully our TV sets, if the Republican nominee won:
1. Lena Dunham:
In April, this always-naked, man-hating feminist (but I repeat myself) promised us she’d move to Canada if, on the off chance, Trump beat crooked Hillary.
“I know a lot of people have been threatening to do this, but I really will,” Dunham told Bravo’s Andy Cohen. “I know a lovely place in Vancouver and I can get my work done from there.”
Please Lord, let this be true. Amen. Our gain.
Canada’s loss, but the Canadians do not want you either.
The Canadians are posting pleas to keep you out.
2. Miley Cyrus: In March, the “pansexual” singer with the soothing voice of a lifelong smoker posted via Instagram: “Honestly f*** this s*** I am moving if [Trump] is my president! I don’t say things I don’t mean!”
Please do not have second thoughts, Miley!
Can we help you pack?
3. Amy Schumer: After Schumer effectively gave up comedy to pursue her dream job of becoming a fulltime social justice warrior, the feminist said she’d move to Spain if Trump took the White House.
“My act will change because I will need to learn to speak Spanish,” she said in September. “Because I will move to Spain or somewhere. It’s beyond my comprehension if Trump won. It’s just too crazy.”
We hope there’s a “social justice” job that you can find in Spain, where maybe things can be a little more within your “comprehension.” You can take a few of the illegal aliens with you, to translate and to help you learn Spanish. Be sure to find one who is not illiterate in both languages, if you can.
4. Cher: This foul-mouthed singer wrote via Twitter in September that she would “move to Jupiter” if Trump were elected.
We’re on it. We are asking NASA to make the arrangements.
5. Chelsea Handler: In May, this abortion promoting feminist explained that she had a house in another country lined-up if her girl Hillary lost.
“I did buy a house in another country just in case,” said Handler, on Live with Kelly and Michael. “So all these people that threaten to leave the country and then don’t — I actually will leave that country.”
Sounds great. When you sell your house in the US, you might want to contact Donald Trump. He is big in real estate, and he will give you as fair a price as you can get in today’s depressed economy. Do not worry about what it will be worth during the coming era of prosperity.
6. George Lopez: In 2015, the Alleged funny man stated shortly after Trump announced his candidacy in 2015, “If [Trump] wins, he won’t have to worry about immigration. We’ll all go back.”
Go with Amy Schumer and help her to learn Spanish.
7. Jon Stewart: Stewart, who helped paint all pro-Trump Republicans as racist, sexist monsters, said that this world would be “bonkers” to elect Trump, thus, he’d leave.
“I’m getting in a rocket and going to another planet,” the comedian told People. “Because clearly this planet’s gone bonkers.”
Maybe Stewart can ride with Cher. We will look into it.
8. Barbara Streisand said she’d move to Australia or Canada if Trump won the White House. This vocal Clinton supporter, told “60 Minutes” that “I’m either coming to your country [Australia], if you’ll let me in, or Canada.”
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Barb!
9. Whoopi Goldberg: The View co-host said in January that she’d likely leave the U.S. if the real estate mogul beat out Hillary in November.
“Maybe it’s time for me to move, you know. I can afford to go,” she said on her show.
Oh horrors! We will lose a leftist pontificating about murdering unborn babies on national TV.
Who would be available to fill the job vacated by Whoopi?
Maybe Glenn Beck or Alex Jones would take it, but only if the producer and top executives leave too.10. Raven-Symone: This former View co-host echoed the same “logic” as Goldberg: The former Disney star said she’d move to Canada “if any Republican” wins.
Even if Trump disappoints us at least he will have given us this much.11. Keegan-Michael Key: ! Another one for Canada! Key said he’s out of here if Trump wins.
“It’s like, 10 minutes from Detroit,” the comedian told TMZ in January. “That’s where I’m from; my mom lives there. It’d make her happy too.”
Go make yo mama happy bro!
If what we are told is true, you will be able to set up a new Hollywood village, and see all of your old friends on a regular basis.
Donald Trump’s real estate experts will help you to liquidate your mansion and your beach house.
Please do not come back after you get a taste of what it is really like to live in South Africa now. Do not expect South Africa to be anything like it was before the leftists took it over.
American Leftists will be sneaking across the border.
There is already a shortage of Perrier water, tofu, free range chicken, burkas, and organically grown broccoli.
Customs agents are on high alert looking for smugglers trying to bring in Napa Valley Cabernet and latte.
It seems that the only effective remedy is for border property owners to install load speakers playing Alex Jones broadcasts.
There are not enough jobs for philosophy majors in Canada.
Public assistance will not be available to these illegal aliens.
The Leftists have always told us that people who cannot get government handouts will turn to crime.
It is mind boggling to contemplate the possibility of Sociology professors robbing businesses and robbing working people without the help of government.
But in summation:
Good bye, leftists! You won’t be missed.
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